jokes i dug up... (2)

On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's rest-room, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament.

Sir, she said, "You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall."

He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch!

Each button was identified by letters WW, WA, PP, and a red one labelled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist.

He pushed WW. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom.

What a nice feeling, he thought.

Men's rest-rooms don't have nice things like this.

Anticipating greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button.

Warm air replaced the warm water, gently drying his underside.

When this stopped, he pushed the PP button.

A large! Powder Puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure.

The ladies rest-room was more than just a rest-room, it is a tender and loving pleasure.

When the powder puff completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he knew would be supreme ecstasy.

The Next thing he knew he was in a hospital, as soon as he opened his eyes. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face.

"What happened?" he exclaimed.

"You pushed one too many buttons,"replied the nurse. "The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover.

Your dick is under your pillow."

Men Never Listen.......

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JOKE NO 2

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding…

Older Woman : Is there a problem, Officer ?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Older Woman:Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please ?

Older Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one ?

Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers
please.

Older Woman: I can’t do that.

Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer:You what?

Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up.Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2:Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Older Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Older Woman: Murdered the owner?

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2:One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding too.